. [ if i closed my / EYES ]

[M A t t.]

h a i l s t o r m - t c

The dark subconscious thoughts that seemed to unfurl themselves slowly in his mind were halted for a moment. He was stopped in his unsure observation of his offspring by the low voices close beside him, murmuring what seemed to be secrets. He heard the words, the corrupt phrase that would momentarily tear his life apart. He heard it reluctantly, like his mind already knew how toxic these altercations were. He heard the sentence, softly spoken, with an edge of insecurity. He heard it like he was outside of his own body, outside of his own mind. Outside of the forest, outside of this world.

"Mottledwing, she isn't losing a life. She's losing all of them. I'll be leaving ThunderClan to go with her. We will no longer serve ThunderClan. We will become loners..."

At first, the smoky black tom thought that he'd heard wrong. And how, in the future, would he wish, with bitter longing, that he'd heard wrong. But it was all correct. Wrong, in a way, but definitely correct. Direly correct. He looked quizzically at Hiddenheart, surely she was mistaken. But he was wrong. He was mistaken, in more ways than one. Faintness engulfed him as he stared wildly around, willing his mind to create some sort of protective barrier, that would block out these malicious words. That would kill them, make them wrong. Untrue. But his support was shattered, his reassurance destroyed when the voices of other cats begun to protest. Hailstorm watched with widened eyes as Echostar, leader of WindClan, screamed in protest. "LEAVING?! LEAVING WHERE?! DREAMSTAR CAN'T LEAVE! SHE HAS KITS TO LOOK AFTER FOR STARCLAN'S SAKE!" The shrill voice of Eternalfault soon joined in. "Dreamstar is leaving?! B-But she cannot! Why must she leave?! Wh-Where could she honestly go...? Why would she leave, when she has just had four healthy kits that depend on her? This is so...wrong."

And with that, his defenses shattered. His mind seemed to unravel. The sick truth came back, and hit him hard. "Dreamstar's... leaving?" His voice cracked, and the words felt strange on his tongue. And bitter understanding engulfed him. "Dreamstar! DREAMSTAR! DREAMSTAR NO ! NO YOU CAN'T LEAVE! DREAMSTAR! WHAT ABOUT OUR KITS? WHAT ABOUT... me?"

As I'm staring through this fire
It's too late to make you mine
Oh I should have seen the signs
Now we're falling back in time
And I'm trying to right this wrong
So I need you to be strong
So far from where we started
So far from what we wanted...

[dream.]

[ click for _________________________ -`teach me how to say .GOODbye ♥; ]

[ d r e a m frost ♥ thunder c l a n ]

The beautiful silver femme winced as the suffocating , yet calm darkness that had submerged her began to ebb . And with the abatement came the slow , yet sure , increase of pain . And along with the pain , came her sense . She knew now that she had , of course , been dreaming . But that was no ordinary dream . She had chased no butterflies nor hunted any mice . And the memories of her meeting with the two former ThunderClan Medicine Cats came flooding back . The young queen could hear cats yelling around her . Their voices were shrill and angry . Questioning . Demanding . The only one she could distinguish was very close to her . "Dreamstar ! She`s awake !" Mottledwing called to the surrounding cats . Dreamstar winced visibly at the sound of her former name . Realization hit her that she was no longer ThunderClan`s leader . No longer Dreamstar . No .. She thought . I`m Dreamfrost now .. She somehow felt smaller .. more vulnerable with her old , familiar warrior name . But it was all for the good of the Clan that she do this . After all , this is what StarClan wants ..

Dreamfrost`s piercing ice blue irises found the one cat she was looking for . Echostar .. She whispered , inside her own head . But instead of gentle reassurance , she found loathing etched into his face . Enraged loathing . Shock and fear pulsed through her body . What was happening - what had happened while she had been stripped of her lives ? She scanned the small crowd , avoiding the eyes of Hailstorm . She knew that soon , not now but some time , he would know . He would have to find out . The secret would be let loose . Her cerulean gaze found her new kin , four little kittens were nestled in the curve of her belly . Shock pulsed through her body once more , making her tail twitch accidentally . Not one kit looked like her . Two of them were patched white and mottled tabby brown , one had the exact bengal coat of their father , and one was a curious , blank white . They all looked unmistakably like children of Echostar . She gave them all a lick on the head , and scanned the crowd again , this time with an uncontrollable defensive expression on her face . Have they guessed ?

Dreamfrost looked at Mottledwing and Hiddenheart . "I wish to move my kits to the camp nursery at once . They need proper warmth ." With luck , she could get the patrol back to camp right away , and rest with her kits . She would put up with the unhappy clan until the kittens opened their eyes . Then she would do whatever it took to get Frozentears to nurse them , she still had milk . When they opened her eyes , she would say her goodbyes , give her final explanation and instruction to Hailstorm , and leave her Clan , with Hiddenheart , for good . She glanced over at Hiddenheart for a moment , giving her a significant , I`ll talk to you later , sort of look . Turning to Echostar , she mewed simply , "I wish for you to come with me , we need to talk ." As she was unable to keep her voice from cracking , Dreamfrost turned away from her mate fast . Fear seemed to fill up her whole body at what Echostar would think , when he heard the whole story . Sighing , she licked the nearest kitten , the white furred femme , between the ears , and picked her up by her scruff . Indicating with a nod of her head and a flick of her tail , for three others to do the same . She had a unusual amount of energy for a feline that had just borne kits , but Dreamfrost knew what she had to do . She went over the plan , again and again in her head as she padded swiftly back to camp , her paws numb against the cold hard ground , her head down .

And her life seemed to crumble away , all substantial support gave in to failure .