STAY[ f o r . a ]WHILE♥;

[dream.]

[ d r e a m frost ♥ thunder c l a n ]
- dre & moss -

Exasperation flooded her body , filling her up from the tip of her tail to the points of her ears . It was fused with fear at the mood aura of sheer anger that Echostar was giving off . Had he .. had he managed to find out ? Find out that I can`t stay here ? But the autumn bengal tom would have to understand . She would make him understand that this was StarClan`s choice . Oh brilliant and kind StarClan . The thought of her warrior ancestors and all they were asking her to do enraged her at the moment . They were forcing her to leave her Clan . Forcing her to forget her past relations with all the other cats . Forcing her top give up her title and authority as leader . Forcing her to leave the newborn kits that she barely knew . She had to say goodbye to this world , and live the isolated life of a loner with Hiddenheart .

She was curled in a nest of moss and down , her lithe body surrounding the newborn kittens , who lay sleeping beside her . I don`t even know them .. She thought bitterly , knowing that all the kits would ever remember was a faint image of her saying goodbye to them . All they would ever remember her as was a mother that didn`t care enough about her clan and her children to stay . It`s not like it would be fair , they wouldn`t get the whole story . But then again .. life isn`t fair . Passing her kits off to another queen , never seeing them grow up . be apprenticed , catch their first prey .. become warriors in service of ThunderClan . It was likely that they`d never know their father , either . A stab of pity for the kits pulsed through her veins . What a limited life they`d live ..

She looked up at Echostar , tears swimming in her icy blue eyes . Tears that she couldn`t blink away . "You .. you know i`m going to h - have to leave , right ?" She stammered , willing for him to understand . "It`s StarClan`s will , Echostar . They stripped me of my lives . They exiled me from my own Clan . T - They`re making me leave my kits . I`m n - no longer Dreamstar . They took that away t - too ." It became gradually harder to talk , as the tears dripped from her eyes . She took sharp gulps of air in , and focused her pale cerulean gaze once more on the kittens . The silver coated femme nudged them all closer to her with her back paw , and licked the nearest one , a little tom with his fathers bengal coat , between his ears . What torn allegiances would these kits suffer , because of their parents decisions ? What hell would ThunderClan give them , if they figured out the truth ? And it wouldn`t be too hard to figure out the truth by looking at these kits , that took solely after their father .

[untilthis.echo]

[t r i e d . t o . b e . p e r f e c t ; n o t h i n g . w a s . w o r t h . i t]

[e.c.h.o]

Pain.

That's all there was. Just pain, pain making its way slowly through his veins and seeping into his body; pain unlocking and shattering the cockles of his heart. He couldn't understand, he didn't want to understand. There could just be no explanation for the anguish she was putting him through; she couldn't explain her leaving so easily. Yet she did, with simple words and it made the agony all the more quick and decisive; he felt like he was suffocating. Sitting in the shadows, he gazed at her. She said it was Starclan's will that she leave.

Starclan be damned then.

They had done nothing yet cause them suffering and heartache and misery. The mere thought of Starclan sent a prickle down his spine and his autumn shoulders rose in anger; the bengal tom looked offended at the weak reason. Pearly white fangs spread from his maw and his ears pinned to his skull; the tom's tail lashed from side to side in rage. Auric mixed with jade burned in his pupil-slitted orbs and his claws unsheathed, dug grooves in the soft soil of the nursery. How could she expect him to accept that reason so easily? Nothing was easy anymore; he was losing his love and his will was tearing apart to the brink because of that sole fact.

It hurt too much.

"Starclan? You expect me to believe that it was the will of Starclan to strip a leader of their lives and title and send them into the wilderness as a loner? You expect me to believe that it was the will of Starclan to shred a mother from its kits? You expect me to believe that it was their will that is tearing us apart!" He roared, rising from his place in the entrance of the nursery. He was livid, his face distorted behind darkly cast light and shadows; a gleam entered his once calm, honest eyes. With each moment that passed between him and the extravagant silver femme he'd fallen in love with, he felt more and more isolated. He felt more and more pain.

Soon, nothing would be able to save him from himself.

"You expect me to believe that it's their will for you to leave me behind...why?"

[dream.]

[ d r e a m frost ♥ thunder c l a n ]

The silvery furred femme sprang to her paws , cerulean orbs staring daggers into the uniquely mixed jaded ones of her mate . She padded slowly up to him , and thrust her muzzle in his face aggressively . Eyes narrowed , and bottom lip trembling , she growled in an uncharacteristic voice , "Are you calling me a liar ? She took a step back , eyes raking his bengal pelt . And then , with no warning , something in her mind seemed to vanish . Something in the depth of her icy blue irises seemed to evanesce . And it left her cold hearted and trembling . Her defenses seemed to fall , her sympathy , her pity , her control was lost . And with no control , she had no purpose . And with no purpose ..

In one swift , smooth movement , Dreamfrost had raked her claws down Echostar`s muzzle . She let out a low yowl , screaming words along . Screaming out at the top of her lungs . She had lost her control , she had no purpose . No purpose except to force the WindClan leader into understanding . She didn`t care how long it took , how much effort she would have to provide , she just yelled . "ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR ? DO YOU THINK I SUFFERED THROUGH STARCLAN`S WRATH FOR NOTHING ? DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO DO ? HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEVEN STRONG AND WHOLE LIVES TORN FROM YOUR BODY ? HAVE YOU EVER DIED SEVEN PAINFUL DEATHS , ALL AT ONCE ? NO , YOU HAVEN`T . STARCLAN TORE AWAY MY LIVES AND MY PRIDE AS THUNDERCLAN`S LEADER AND YOU CAN JUST STAND HERE ASKING ME WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME ?

Dreamfrost`s voice cracked , and she took a step back from Echostar , her chest heaving as she fought for breath . She felt exhausted , exasperated , as if she had just spent hours chasing after a kit that had strayed out of camp , but she could not make it understand what danger it had been in . But as soon as her pale eyes met his extraordinary dark ones , anger flared up dangerously inside her once more . The pale pair snapped away , and she sat down roughly on the soft nursery grasses with a feeble "Urgh !" , but that was all she could manage . Now her bitterness toward StarClan seemed to return , larger than ever . "Is it StarClan`s will to tear apart our family ? I don`t know . But they seemed to enjoy torturing me , so I wouldn`t put it past them ." As she spoke , her thoughts turned darker . "I don`t give a damn about StarClan anymore ! 'So do not worry or woe . Your destiny lies along a different path for now . Just trust in StarClan that everything will work out in the end , and you will have nothing to fear .' Trust in StarClan ?" She let out a mirthless , cruel laugh . "Trust in the load of rogue bastards that tore my life apart ? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO ?" She roared , turning away . Adding the final blow .

"The sooner I get out of this damned forest , the better ."

[untilthis.echo]

[t h o u g h t . i t ' d . e a s y ; n o . o n e . b e l i e v e d . m e]

[e.c.h.o]

He shrunk from her words.

Her anger was not completely unexpected, though still taken with shock. For the first time since he'd met her, for the first time since his jaded eyes had grazed her argent beauty, he flinched away from her. His shoulders rose in an undulated fashion; his jaded eyes darkened in fury. Dark paws trembled upon the soft soil and the tom could feel his heart beating in an eradicated beat, stiff and heavy and unsure. He was about to reply, to spit back at her in distaste and mistrust.

But then she struck him.

His world went black for a moment; pain spread from his injured cranium and rippled down his neck, moving around to his raggedly breathing chest, then melted into his heart where it stayed in a hot, angry pool. Temporarily blinded from all things save the agony and shock ripping at his throat, a sharp yowl cut from his throat. His skull shook from side to side, droplets of blood flicking onto the nursery's mossy ground; he tried desperately to dispel his shock at being struck by the one cat he'd given his heart and soul to.

Or at least, the cat that had been.

Quivering with rage, auric-jaded pools peered open and glared at her. Blood trickled down his maw, blinded his impaired vision. Breathing suddenly became hard and words spilled from his maw before he could contain them; his anger unleashed itself along with his wounded heart, "You ARE a liar! You never said anything about LEAVING! You acted like it was going to be ok! Like we were going to find a way to be together! Yet all this time you DECEIVED ME! You plotted with Hiddenheart about your plan to leave the Clans! You never ONCE uttered a word to me about this!"

Jealousy, heartache, betrayal, and mistrust; how these things tainted his mind.

And her next words bit him, bit him hard. Brutal, there was no other way to describe it. Her words were brutal and unbridled. Any feelings he had left for the femme were wiped away in an instant. The force of her words left him feeling weak, despair breaching the angered and fogged edges of his mind. It broke through and entered him silently and all his rage dissipated. He could only sit there, shaking his cranium slowly. His words were softly-spoken, though not at all kind, "Leave then. Leave this all behind and pretend it never happened. No one, no one, not you nor Starclan, not me nor any of the Clans, can erase this. What is done is done. Nothing can erase our shame and secret."

For a brief moment, he wondered how long the both of them could writhe under the burden before breaking. There was only so much they could take.

[dream.]

[ d r e a m frost ♥ thunder c l a n ]

An exploding amount of pain and antagonism pumped through her veins at his voice . At what he said . But there was a hint of fear , too . Never in her life , in knowing this cat , had he spoken to her this way . Never had he spoken to another in this way either . And it wasn`t easy to listen to . She couldn`t take it any longer . Strong dislike surged through , pure loathing , engulfing her love for the WindClan leader . Still he dared say those things to her . Still , he dared call her a liar . Letting out a roar of anguish , her claws sunk into the soft ground , and she pulled up clumps of grass . Tail lashing dangerously , Dreamfrost prepared her speech in her head before she even opened her mouth , knowing what she would tell this tom . But when she spoke , her voice was full of a calm , ice cold , uncharacteristic fury .

"Just because I didn`t tell you the whole story .." But the ability to keep calm seemed absurd to her now . "JUST BECAUSE I DIDN`T TELL YOU EVERYTHING DOESN`T MAKE ME A LIAR !" Her mind had exploded into fits of chaos . "WE WERE GOING TO FIND A WAY TO RIGHT THIS WRONG UNTIL FRIGGIN` STARCLAN CAME ALONG AND WRECKED IT !" Now , hot tears of fury stung her eyes . Fury toward the feline that stood before her , not believing a word she was saying . Fury toward the dead cats that had no problems tearing her life apart .. "The ONLY reason I didn`t tell you any of this was because I was afraid that you were going to try and stop me ! AND I WISH I HAD HAVE TOLD YOU ! I WISH YOU WOULD STOP ME !" Taking in a sharp gasp of breath , she added , turning away , "I wish you cared ."

His betrayal weighed heavy on her heart . She turned fully away from Echostar , her shoulders slumped , and her tail curled protectively by her side . "I don`t want to pretend that it never happened . I want to stay here and live a normal life ," Dreamfrost paused before adding bitterly , "But it`s not StarClan`s will . It`s not my 'destiny' ." She let out another cold , not even remotely happy laugh . How could StarClan do this to her ? They had taken away her pride , her Clan and her kits already .. now they were taking away her mate too . Nothing would ever be the same . Nothing would ever work again . And as she sat there , the words formed themselves poetically in her mind ..

As I`m staring through this fire it`s too late to make you mine , and as both our worlds fall down , we have lost and we have found , so far from where we started , so far from what we wanted . Oh I should have seen the signs now we`re falling back in time , and I`m trying to right this wrong so I need you to be strong .. I`ve made mistakes , that I can`t erase ..

[untilthis.echo]

[t r y i n g . t o . l e t . y o u . k n o w ; b e t t e r . o f f . o n . m y . o w n]

[e.c.h.o]

Even as she lay there, boiling in her own fury at him and at Starclan, churning in bitterness in misery; he couldn't let his wounded pride just let her go off easy. Her words made no sense, his jaded eyes narrowed and the blood trickling down his eye seared more than the hottest wildfires. His limbs trembled and he dug his claws into the soil, if only to have something to hold onto. The things he said, the words he spat back at her held no mercy for this femme. She was a strange to him, this wasn't Dreamstar. This was some foreigner with the name as Dreamfrost disguised as his love. This coward, quaking before Starclan's will, was not his soul mate.

"Starclan? Starclan?! Still you hide behind what their 'will' is?! What does Starclan have to do with this now?! You've said it yourself! You wouldn't tell me because you couldn't trust me enough! And here I was under the impression that to be mates, one has to trust the other! Well I guess I wasn't good enough for you!" He roared, his vocal cords crippling under the weight of his wrath. His paws scrabbled against the earth and brought up soil and insects and moss. His heart accelerated and squeezed and his tail lashed against his flank, eyes glaring darkly into the eeriness of the den. He could heart Dreamfrost's soft, angry breathing and the mew of his kits.

Almost imperceptibly, his ears trained on the kits. His whiskers twitched at the sound of their tiny bodies squirming in their nest, huddled together. Four beating hearts echoed a staccato beat in his ear fur and his heart rang tremors, unconsciously slowing down until it was almost in sync with his kits. His fury, his mistrust, his despondency all faded away into broken shards and melded into the silky breeze blowing from the interest. There was only the sound of his heavy breathing and the beating of his kits' hearts that lingered. Heat and soft breathing, and with the dissipation of his anger, came the torrential wave of weariness over his barren soul.

Dejection plagued every bone and fiber in his body and he could feel his legs quivering, his heart crying. Shaking in front of the entrance, eyes trained on Dreamfrost's argent form, he spoke. Satin words poured gradually from his mouth, slow and steady and sorrowful. His soul was laid pure in his words and his plea thrummed in the air, "I cared for you...I did...and even if you leave...a part of me will leave with you and the other part will die. So if you're going to leave...take the rest of me with you. Don't let me die here, alone. We promised each other...together...I'd promise you forever and day if I could stay with you."

Abysmal was the correct word to describe the tone of his voice, fervent yet utterly lost. His jaded eyes pleaded with her to let him come, yet a part of him doubted she would. This was her journey to make, not his. And with each doubt that seeded in the aphotic clouds of his mind, he found himself feeling more and more desperate and lost. Almost nothing was left.

[dream.]

[ d r e a m frost ♥ thunder c l a n ]

His soft words had poured into the silver femmes heart like an antidote to a poison . A part of her seemed to heal , to revive . She seemed to stand a little taller , her ears pricked a little higher . She finally found herself with the energy she had been longing , the strength to move . Shifting her position nervously , the argent feline considered his words very carefully , beautifully furred tail twitching slightly with the intensity of her gaze on the soft grassy ground . Shifting her cerulean irises up , searching out the comfort of the WindClan leaders jaded auric eyes , she spoke , her voice begging for understanding , yet threaded with a careful wisdom .

"Echostar , don`t you understand ?" She begun , her orbs pleading for his cooperation . "You were too good for me . I let this happen . I caved to StarClan`s demands . I took their threats seriously ." Her voice cracked , and she looked uncertainly at him before continuing . "I was a coward . I preferred to run away from the wrath of my life than face the consequences of my actions . There`s always consequences with my choices , and not one of them is better than the other ." Shifting her weight absent minded from paw to paw , the plated she - cat moved on . "I had the choice to .. to leave you and keep us both safe from the power of StarClan , or to stay .. to stay and have both our lives and those of our kits remain in danger . Echostar , I just want us to be safe ."

"D - Do you remember .. Nightfury ?" The slight queen seemed to shrink smaller at the memory of the menacing tom that had haunted herself and her mate . "This is the only way to end it all , love ." She mewed , simply . No emotion rushed into her voice as she spoke . "I have to leave ." Bitterness shone through her expression and her sour gaze at the nursery wall . Dreamfrost was not happy about this , not at all . Regret seemed to fill up all the empty spaces , the holes , in which she`d torn in her heart while speaking to the autumn bengal tom . And it felt horrible .

"You c - can`t come . I .. I wish you could , I want you to .. but you can`t ." Tears , tinted silver in the semi - darkness , welled up in her eyes , and spilled down her cheeks . However , her forcible gaze didn`t waver from her mate once . Instead , she continued . "I don`t want StarClan to put you through the pain of losing so many lives as well . I want you to stay here , and look after the kits , Echostar . Stay with your Clan . Watch them form me , look out for them as they grow into strong warriors . Driftkit , Thymekit , Scorchkit , Swirlkit .." She shifted her observance over to the kittens , laying in her feather lined nest . Eyes still on them she murmured , "Promise me you`ll never forget me , Echostar . Because one day , I`ll be back . Back to teach StarClan a lesson . Back to show them that they can`t tear my family apart forever ."

Dreamfrost`s voice was barely audible now , a whisper for only Echostar`s ears . Tear filled , and full of misery , and genuine remorse . Full of agonizing , pure truth . "I`m so sorry ."

[untilthis.echo]

[e.c.h.o]



If there'd ever been anything more difficult he'd face before this, he couldn't remember. He spoke no words nor uttered any sound as his pallid eyes lifted from the soil of the nursery to fixate on Dreamfrost. Her resolution, her pained decision, struck cords in his heart and their echoes reverberated in his soul. It felt like cool white water was flooding slowly into the nursery and he could only stand there as it rose and swallowed him up in its torrential misery. Happiness, love, family; all of these things were a lie. A complete lie. Just a dream he'd wanted so desperately, a euphoria he weaved with his own claws out of pure hopefulness and desire. And yet it was all slowly coming undone.

And he could do nothing to cease it.

Dreamfrost was speaking again, telling him he'd have to stay and watch over their kits. He only vaguely heard it, barely processed it. All he could think and see were the winds of change ripping everything he knew and loved away from him. His love, his soulmate, was leaving...without him. She'd go on a journey, leave the Clans and him, as well as the kits. His strongest desire was only to cry now, to sink into the cesspool of despondency threatening to overwhelm him. His jaded eyes lifted from the ground and gazed at her tearfully, the only focus being that of her magnetic sapphire sky pools.

And then she said she'd return.

A breach was made into his aphotic mind; a rippling crack scoured through the fractured sanity. His auric-rimmed eyes swiveled to her; he dared not breathe for he feared that if he did, he would shatter this sole shred of hope. She said she'd return one day. One day did not offer any sense of the space of time they'd spend apart. It was a promise of traversed moons swaying across the sky, a promise of many days and nights where they'd walk alone on old paths and sleep forsaken in different nests. One day meant that Dreamfrost was not returning soon; ages would go by before they'd stand before each other with synchronized hearts.

But he hoped, against all hope, that he'd be there to see that day.

A solemn promise flitted from his lips, a whisper told that he would indeed watch over their kits. He could at least do that much. Moisture edged along his eyes but he refused droplets to fall. To cry would be to weaken and to succumb. And he could not cry. With a swift rising of his limbs, he was at her side with soft soothing words. He murmured that he would always love her, that he would cherish her memory. A stroke of his maw against hers was the only form of touch he'd allow. He felt his spirit wail gently at the brush of autumn fur against argent pelt.

Then he was gone.

His paws glided him to the entrance of the cave. This meeting was over was it not? They'd both said all they needed to say, bared the very cores of their souls to each others' callous words and agonized inflictions. Yet as he braced the entrance, something made him hesitate. Jaded auric turned and face Dreamfrost and stared an eternity into her azure orbs. This was his last farewell. His lips quivered, "When you leave...I'll still love you...and when you return...I'll be there still in love with you..."

And that was when he crossed the line and backed out of the nursery, his pallid eyes gazing soulfully at hers before he walked away.

[dream.]

[ d r e a m frost ♥ thunder c l a n ]

There was nothing that the silver femme could do . Nothing more could be said . There was nothing left to hear . Realization of how cruel the world actually was dawned in her mind . Dawn .. That`s what she needed . A new dawn . But it wasn`t likely , with all the pain that whirled in her head . It set lights in front of her icy eyes , screams of protest in her ears , begging to be let free . To burst out of her body without warning , and fly away to a distant , non - existent place . To leave her alone on the ground , weak , and begging for liberation . But she would not allow her mind to be set free . Her guard could not be let down . She had a job to do . This life had been left behind . It was over . Bygone . Closed . Done . Finished . Ended .

His promises , his affectionate words , they didn`t make sense in the argent furred felines ears . She blinked , her cerulean gaze still burning intensely into his fur . But then his voice drifted through to her , clear , as if he was whispering strongly into her ear . Though his voice grew stronger in her head , he seemed to drift farther away . Though He was only a few pawsteps abroad , it felt as if a valley , a canyon , an ocean had opened up between them . The distance seemed to burn her from the inside . The pain it produced overwhelmed her , as she took in his words . "When you leave .. I`ll still love you .. and when you return .. I`ll be there still in love with you .."

And now he was leaving . His paws opening up the universe that had already stretched between them . Jaded auric eyes met iced cerulean ones one last time . One last time .. She followed his progress as he moved further from her . Her eyes rested on his paws . They seemed to pace in slow motion , as she counted his pawsteps until she could no longer count . Her vision became bleary , as tears welled up in her eyes . This was it . It was over . He would never come back to her . And she was at fault . Forcing a note of positivity into her reasoning was difficult , but what would she become if she had no hope ? "He may never come back to me , but some day .. I`ll come back to him ."

She continued to stare dismally and distantly out the entrance of the nursery , though he was long gone . Recurrent clouds had rolled over the brief sunshine that had bathed the camp as the sere she - cat had entered with her newborn kits . Now the familiar chilling and somewhat damp draft whisked into the nursery , making her kittens squirm and squeal shrilly in discomfort . She flicked her tail unawarely , a distant and poor attempt at comforting them , as she could not summon the effort or the willpower to tear her beautiful gaze from the spot in which Echostar had vanished . But she knew what she had to do . Closing her eyes slowly , she turned back to her mewling kits . And a mental countdown started in her head , ticking like a clock .
Ticking down her minutes in this life .

I think I need a sunrise , I`m tired of the sunset ..